Forging a new Frontier

Honestly, I don't know exactly what type of car/truck this is because of the obvious attempts to camouflage its true identity...i'm guessing a 2008 Nissan Frontier, but with a paint scheme all its own. I love it, but kind of in the way it made me smile when i saw a dude getting out of his Subaru Forester that had camouflage seat covers...it defies logic...but hey, this is Kodiak Safeway parking lot....case closed. My favorite part of this vehicle is that it also has a matching dog kennel in the back....this is the mark of somebody who, if they are gonna do it, they do it all way

8 Seconds

I suck, I haven't posted a hooptie in a long time...but I will take the bull by the horns with the hooptie namesake (coupe de) ...this 1969 Cadillac Coupe de Ville should be rolling the dirt roads of Abilene but instead, its long horns are well known in Fairbanks where this street submission  was spotted. Notice the Xterra offered this bull a wide berth. A good thing too, because they be handicapped. This is probably one of the few coupes in the world that would accommodate a full size wheel chair with no doctoring....  With the 472 stock, no doubt in Fairbanks it would only take this bodacious beast 8 seconds to get from one stop to the next. While the color is atrocious by the boring 2015 standards, "Chateau Mauve Firemist" was a stock color in 1969 for Caddie....so there.

 I would be remiss without mentioning the relation of the fine rig above to one of my favorite pimped rides (X to Z) of all time...The 74 Cadillac Snoop de Ville (owned by the now Snoop Lion of Doggy dog fame).

Jeepers Creepers!

This 1944 Dodge WC54, a 3/4 ton military ambulance looks ready to receive the wounded in Skagway
Alaska. It appears to have the original paint job...whats left of it.  One modification is that it has the Braden MU-2 winch installed up front....this was never stock on the WC54 Ambulance but one could use the mods from other WC series trucks to do the job. This is the oldest hooptie to date and out of respect for a belated Veterans Day I will refrain from making light of this classic war time automobile.
There is really nothing funny.....its just cool! 


 

Ford Country

Nestled snugly in between a pair of City and Borough of Sitka Ford Rangers, this 1969 Ford Country Sedan has little in common with it's automobile neighbors except both hailing from the Motor City...kind of those, 5th generation Rangers were built in the St. Paul Minnesota.

The duct tape work on the right tail light looks like a mentally challenged cartoonish version of the left tail light.  In a reverse game of "HORSE", it appears only the "O" is left in "FORD" on the magic tailgate.  Almost signifying it has but one letter left....  And yes I did say magic tailgate.  Fords tailgate in 1969 opened both down and sideways...not sure how it was accomplished but i'm sure it clunky and brute force.  I am wondering one thing....what "dyed for you"?  The bumper sticker censorship is a bummer.

I'm not a fan of censorship, especially blanket censorship, but in this case the blanket keeps the rain out.

 In the days before SUVs and third row seating, this beast could seat 9 people (more if you count the lap babies) and pushed them around with a 429...yah thats right a 7.0 liter V8.  The grill on this auto is actually very beautiful...or it was until an impressive spider-web matrix of modern era zip ties from Costco...theres just something simple  about bailing wire in comparison.  Its clear we are regressing as a culture.

"I pot-hole crusher, red light rusher
Musher of a brother 'cause I'm plowin' over suckers...In a hooptie"   My Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989

Cap City Exhaust

That this 2006 Ford F350 dually Lariat is a Super Duty is obvious. As I rolled out of Juneau Airport, I literally [sic] shit my pants.  I'm fully in favor of this wicked mod...but...it kind of made a beautiful truck looks small...oh well.  Still cool.  They are so  big they vibrate at highway speed!

"Brother start lettin' off, kickin' that racket
Thinkin' I'm a rock star, slingin' them packets
I ain't wit' dat, so I smooth eject
Hit I-5 with the dope cassette"...my Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989.

Southwind Inversion

Luke 12:55 - And when ye see the south wind blow, ye say, There will be heat; and it cometh to pass......Well boys, this Southwind be blowin' but there aint going to be no heat, and despite the 440 it aint going to pass you either!

 At first glance, this street submission Frankenhooptie from Sand Point looks to be the product of a freeway pileup.  Closer inspection reveals a finely melded combination of a 1969 Dodge D-300 and a 1974 Fleetwood Southwind (Dodge). The kicker is that the "cab" is actually the front of Fleetwood Southwind FLIPPED the hell over. Only in Sand Point could you get away with such blatant disregard for standard motor vehicle safety  Yet, the functionality of this hooptie is not really arguable.

The white bucket, as any fisherman knows, is the trash can.  The blue bucket is of course the drivers seat.  Passengers, tools, or passengers that are tools can sit on the starboard shelf.  Like for instance the rivet gun that did the aviation-like riveting of the cab to the dash.  Vintage conventional meets unorthodox modern. Its a match made in heaven and is, to date, the most spectacular hooptie recognized. Likely spawned on mushroom enhanced trip to the dump. Sand Point is a mere purgatory to the one-way trip that is the Sand Point dump.  But this Fleetwood Southwind came back, hacked, ripped, sawzalled, flipped, and recycled haute couture using a rivet gun instead of sewing machine.

"Cop took my wallet, looked at my license
His partner said "Damn, they all look like Tyson"
Yes, I'm legit, so they gotta let me go
This bucket ain't rollin' in snow.."  1989, My Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot

Liner Notes....more Sitka slings

This 1987 Ford F250 is knot simplicity nor handsome but its functional. If you don't know a knot, tie a lot.

Red 1989 Dodge Dakota. The symmetry is nice but would have been enhanced with similar sized line.  Bungee up front doing light duty. Not to be hatin' but ur tabs are expired.

This 1992 Chevy C/K has a bumper that is literally evaporating just like the coffee in this chaps untippable boat mug.  Also, seems to be partially handicapped?

A 1990 Toyota 4x4.  I like this mad max look with a scrape, dent, A missing "T", a hanging license plate, cracked grill, and a skull and crossbones sticker is the topper!

1993 Chevy Cavalier.  Also a "rode" warrior look.  As in rode hard and put away wet.
This lashing gives the impression of such tightness it compresses the bumper.

Good Shit Vol 1

In 1988, I turned 16 years old and despite stalling my 1981 Malibu 3 times during my parallel parking portion of my drivers test (its was an automatic so go figure), the DMV gave me my drivers license.
Crusing around, i realized quickly who wants to jam to "b" sides when one could create nothing but "a" sides?  You know, more "Panama" and less "drop dead legs".  So I made a compilation of good stuff and called it "Good Shit volume 1"  in tape cassette.

 This is a hooptie version of Ford Good shit....

This 1998 Ford Explorer at Safeway in Kodiak has been retrofitted with a handy mod to take care of the door latch flaw common on most explorers.  For $5.78 and some labor, problem solved with this bitchin' window bolt from True Value. I would have loved to see the owner use this latch?  Do they use the other door and keep it closed?, do they roll the window down and latch it up....so many questions??? 

This 1995 Ford F150 in Sitka seems normal enough but my mind just keeps flashing the vision of some dude in a wheel chair sidled up next to his grill with a zip tie and some parachute cord in his lap fixing his plate.  Empowering?  Yes!    Physical disability? Yes!   Mental disability?  heck no!...thats field expediency at its best.

This 1996 Ford Explorer Sport is rusty...no doubt.  I've seen ratchet straps in Kodiak hold up many things on old vehicles but I have not seen this.  You see Sitka rust makes Kodiak rust look like winter in Arizona.  The spare tire containment has rusted to the point that it resembles something from 1943.  In all honesty, this method of spare deployment is probably 10x faster than the standard not-rusted-to-shit method.

And of course if you don't have a bumper you put your license on with, you guessed it, Duct Tape!

XLT.....RIP?

This street submission screams Monty Python Holy Grail? ....."Not dead yet"

Coming from a former owner of 3 different ford rangers, I can sympathize with the owner of this 1989 Ford Ranger XLT.   Mine of course would never have gotten close to still being "street legal" after 25 years of dipping the rear end into the harbor to launch my 15' Boston Whaler.

Apart from the obvious (its about rust in half), i'm curious as to what is so damn important under the canopy of this one that he maticulously covered it with vulcanized rubber and bootlegged 2 fathoms of halibut longline to lash down. Nor do I know why foam is spontaneously generating between the cab and the bed and the door.  What I do know is that the front end is surprisingly better off than the rear end and if this was my daily driver, I would keep the hubs locked so i could just jam it in 4x4 when the inevitable creak, crunch, and metal rip of "final separation" occurs....then i can just keep on driving with a slightly better view of the sky.    This Ford is "living" proof of the inaccuracy of the acronym FORD...Found on Road Dead.

"Sputter, sputter rollin' over gutters

Cars dip low with hard core brothers.."--Sir Mix-A-Lot 1989

Firebird in the hole

Like the mythical bird-beast with the same name that rises, cyclically, from dregs of it's predecessor this 1980 Pontiac Firebird Formula has risen again...this time "jacked"!

I was floored as i made my way through Jackson trailer park to see this megalithic ride appear from the fog. I woke up at night, sweating, worried about the poor resolution of this picture only to make my way back to the scene of the crime (kodiak hoopties cardinal sin) to find it gone.  I will be searching for this ride on the K-cruise and also in my dreams.  In the meantime let us dissect this one...

In 1979 the infamous "blackout" tail lights were introduced and only the firebird Formula and Trans-am had em.  By 1982 the new breed of Pontiac Firebird  was released which we all remember fondly as the Hoff's ride in Knight Rider.....KITT...and a futuristic light year different from the muscle cars of yore.  The bad thing about Firebirds by 1980 was that the emission standards all but got rid of the Pontiac muscles big blocks like the 400 and 455.   But 1980 had some uniqueness when Pontiac unleashed the only turbocharged V8 (301) in the world at the time....however Flinstonian the technology, it is what it was.

A lot of folks called Firebird headlights "batmobile" style and this paint job seems to conjure up a little bit of caped crusader with a dash or the dark knight. I'm not sure this would be able to squeeze into the bat cave crevasse.

 Its rollin on 33's and looking like it could take the 1984 Broncos in the mudboggin' race at the fairgrounds on a warm August night!  The rear end is actually custom cool.  The dual exhaust redirected up is decidedly not Firebirdish, as is the frame, step sides, and luggage rubs on the trunk.  Its not 100% stock but it is 100% wicked.



 "Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes..."-Sir Mix-A-Lot 1989

November Rain

Yes, I did it. I am playing off of the G-n-R's monster ballad from 1992.  Since the Ford Zombie undead, our sleepy little town has been fairly absent of sweet rides.

But when it rains it pours, and..."...its hard to hold a candle in these cold November rains..."
Or in our case NoVANber  because two beautiful vans have rained down on the Hooptie. Now I'm not talking about the creepy white vans that transport pervs and boiler techs in this town..(Note: if you search "van candy" in urban dictionary the definition is: "The most delicious candy. It comes from a white van and it makes you sleepy")

Lo and behold seen at the Y in Kodiak, I'm talking about Vans with style and while this 1967 Dodge Sportsman A108 (108 inch wheelbase) needed a little bit of help matriculating it clearly was/and is a beauty.  I can only hope that a television repairman with an ultimate set of tools at home will fix it up right (yes a Fast Times at Ridgemont High reference). Whats great about this van is the visibility in and out....no room for creepers with no privacy. There was no mystery to this machine. There are no less than fourteen windows on this Van. To replace all of them today would cost more than the van was new in 1967...and then adjust for inflation.

To "top" it off. This 1971 Volkswagen (Type 2) Kombi "pop top" was parked at Safeway right at dusk creating a great ambience to snap a quick pic.  I came to Alaska in a similar era Volkswagen pop top in 1974 so it strikes a chord.  It appears to be in fairly decent shape. I really can't make fun of this Vdub, I've driven transporters and rabbits quite certainly into the ground so a 70s VW looking clean is a feat in this state.

"Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes"... Sir Mix-a-Lot ,  My Hooptie, 1989

Street submission: Zombie F-250 "the Undead"

Just in time for Halloween, this 1995 Ford F-250 "Zombie" Edition is the ultimate antithesis of the "Eddie Bauer" Edition....and no the F-250 never existed as an Eddie Bauer edition (only the F-150). It has however been the King Ranch, Platinum, Outlaw, Amarillo, Cabela's, and Harley Davidson....none of which compare to the raw form of truck, untainted by such creature comforts as windows, doors, roofs, and a rear view mirror. Advantages: no deicing necessary on those chilly mornings; strap on some Scott ski goggles and mash the pedal.

The bench seat, steering wheel, shifter (no knob) and hood all appear 9th generation F-250 but the grill is definitively 10th generation Ford (97-03).  Surprisingly, the hard lines of the 95 hood match quite nicely with the more futuristic grill.  Some expanded metal and a square of CDX appear to shore everything up in the "under" the hood.

While advertised as the Zombie edition it is decidedly not the best option for combat against the aforementioned Zombies:

Reason #1) The lack of protective metal and glass will increase the odds of getting splattered in the mouth or eyes which invariably leads to Zombie infection and  ultimately the inability to operate a motor vehicle.

Reason #2) In the event of a Zombie apocalypse the choice of vehicle is limitless because most trucks/cars are abandoned and available for immediate use.  I for one, would choose a Toyota FJ cruiser due to its "horrible driver visibility"...aka Zombie safety and the handy suicides doors which seem like they would be great for picking up your friend in danger without actually stopping.

However, Zombie F-250 is the perfect moniker because this ride is literally "Undead"

"..Ooooh, I got dissed. But it ain't no thing
Runnin' that game with the home made slang
Baby got ished, Bremelo gip.
Keep laughin' at the car and you might get clipped....By a hooptie"....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989

Corvette Summer: Los Anchorage street submission

In 1976 Brock Yates (long time editor of Car and Driver and the type of badass that would make the Dos Equis gentleman a bit envious) drove a brand new Chevrolet Corvette the entirety of the Alcan highway to test its mettle. Thousands of miles later, driving over mud, rocks, and gravel, mostly in 3rd gear, Yates walked away impressed with the true American sports car....true dat.

I cannot in good faith call this beautiful 1977 Chevy Corvette a hooptie, but my first female street submitter in Anchorage was terribly impressed with the luggage rack and I am too!

You better Checker self, fo' you wreck....

In a sleepy town that elected a cat as the mayor (the honorable Stubbs), one wouldn't be too surprised to see such a rarity as a 1969 Checker Aerobus 8-door station wagon.  This street submission from Talkeetna is the first commercially operated (or at least formally) hooptie to make the cut. The tinted windows are brought to you by Glad and the side mirrors look like they are ganked from a 83' Dodge Ram.

"Cops say the car smokes, but I won't listen
It's a six-nine deuce, so the hell with emissions..."  Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989, My Hooptie

Port of Potty...literally

 This 1995 Ford Ranger bombing through Kodiak "Y" was putting the Portable in Port-o-Potty.
I busted a U-turn and followed this vehicle a way but never got a great picture.  Yes, it is a port-o-john and yes, it is on its side. I was hoping for some biffy juice leaving a blue waterfall on the tailgate but life is never that perfect!  I called off pursuit when the the Ranger went through the stoplight and made the probable crystal clear...final destination:  Bells Flats or Bust!

ain't really fazed, 'cause I pop much game
Rolled up tough, 'cause I got much fame
"How ya doin' baby, my name is Mixalot"
"Mixalot got a Benz boy, quit smokin' that rock"....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989 My Hooptie

Crown Vic (she gotta pack much back)

This street submission from Sitka,a 1991 Ford LTD Crown Victoria looks like its trunk hauled more than luggage. The beauty of this full size sedan was not lost on the 90s era Irish mob in Boston for obvious reasons...trunk capacity.  Its locking mechanism simply didn't cut the mustard however as evidenced by this ride, and in the end, irony prevailed, and its only popular use was as a cop cruiser. 

Even legions of duct tape eventually fail and you gotta tie her down with some rope.

"...Four door nightmare, trunks locks' stuck,  
Big dice on the mirror, grill like a truck

Lifters tickin', accelerator's stickin'
Somethin' on my left front wheel keeps clickin'....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989, My Hooptie

Honda "Leaf"

 The Autumnal equinox is upon us and coming this fall to a theater near you...the Honda "Leaf"...not to be confused with the Nissan electric car.  The owner brazenly encrusted this 1994 Honda Civic with an artistry consisting of nothing but a two rattle cans and remnants of her lawn cleanup...instantly "falling" into the category of hooptie....Sitka style, hippy with a pop appeal.   Enjoy...Sir Mix-a-Lot would be disgusted.

Pulsar of the Planet...Enviro-Friendly

This street submission from Sitka displays some ingenuity and functionality.
A 1988 Nissan Pulsar NX with a bike rack????

It appears you slide your 2-wheeled ride into the wooden slot, lasso it up to the roof (notice the permanent tie downs up on top), tighten her down and you can be on your way. Now this is Sitka, where there is only 14 miles of road, so you could bike almost anywhere faster than the time it takes to set up this Rube Goldberg....but I do understand you don't always want to don the Grundens to bike a 1/2 mile.

"Runnin' outta gas, stuck in traffic
Far left lane, throwin' up much static
Input, output, carbeurator fulla soot
"Whatcha want me to do Mix?"
Push freak, push"....My Hooptie, Sir-Mix-a-Lot 1989.

Editors note: This car was being manufactured the year that Mix wrote this song!

Tailgatin' Spawl-Mart style

This 1996 Toyota Tacoma with some "merely cosmetic blemishes" was spotted in Kodiak Walmart parking lot. What appeared to be a trick louvered rear window was actually duct tape.  If there is one parking lot in K-town with a potential for tailgating its probably this one. Perhaps if I showed up to Black Friday or even "Brown Saturday" on time I could do a little tailgating....why not.

1st Disclaimer:  I would under no circumstances unleash this strap and drop the tailgate on this 4x4 rice burner because one would most certainly observe Shia LaBeouf and this badboy would perform a "one-way transformation" a la Megatron at the end of every Transformers movie.

2nd Disclaimer: If in fact unleashing the tailgate improved chances of Megan Fox's arrival, then disregard 1st Disclaimer.

"Rollin' in Tacoma, I could get burned
(Sound of automatic gunfire) Betta make a u-turn
Spotted this freak with immense posterior
Tryin' to roll smooth through the Hilltop area.."    Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989 My Hooptie

Pop top Ploder Revisited

The 1999 chop top 'Ploder has emerged more powerful than I can possibly imagine!  At first I thought it was random and now i realize the paint job is quite purposeful.

Behold the power of the force...and 1999 Ford X-wing fighter.I would like to say its not painted like an X-wing, but i cannot say that. It even has battle damage!

-"Hit mickey-d's, Maharaji starts to bug

He ate a quarter-pounder, threw the pickles on my rug"-  Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989, My Hooptie