November Rain

Yes, I did it. I am playing off of the G-n-R's monster ballad from 1992.  Since the Ford Zombie undead, our sleepy little town has been fairly absent of sweet rides.

But when it rains it pours, and..."...its hard to hold a candle in these cold November rains..."
Or in our case NoVANber  because two beautiful vans have rained down on the Hooptie. Now I'm not talking about the creepy white vans that transport pervs and boiler techs in this town..(Note: if you search "van candy" in urban dictionary the definition is: "The most delicious candy. It comes from a white van and it makes you sleepy")

Lo and behold seen at the Y in Kodiak, I'm talking about Vans with style and while this 1967 Dodge Sportsman A108 (108 inch wheelbase) needed a little bit of help matriculating it clearly was/and is a beauty.  I can only hope that a television repairman with an ultimate set of tools at home will fix it up right (yes a Fast Times at Ridgemont High reference). Whats great about this van is the visibility in and out....no room for creepers with no privacy. There was no mystery to this machine. There are no less than fourteen windows on this Van. To replace all of them today would cost more than the van was new in 1967...and then adjust for inflation.

To "top" it off. This 1971 Volkswagen (Type 2) Kombi "pop top" was parked at Safeway right at dusk creating a great ambience to snap a quick pic.  I came to Alaska in a similar era Volkswagen pop top in 1974 so it strikes a chord.  It appears to be in fairly decent shape. I really can't make fun of this Vdub, I've driven transporters and rabbits quite certainly into the ground so a 70s VW looking clean is a feat in this state.

"Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes"... Sir Mix-a-Lot ,  My Hooptie, 1989

Street submission: Zombie F-250 "the Undead"

Just in time for Halloween, this 1995 Ford F-250 "Zombie" Edition is the ultimate antithesis of the "Eddie Bauer" Edition....and no the F-250 never existed as an Eddie Bauer edition (only the F-150). It has however been the King Ranch, Platinum, Outlaw, Amarillo, Cabela's, and Harley Davidson....none of which compare to the raw form of truck, untainted by such creature comforts as windows, doors, roofs, and a rear view mirror. Advantages: no deicing necessary on those chilly mornings; strap on some Scott ski goggles and mash the pedal.

The bench seat, steering wheel, shifter (no knob) and hood all appear 9th generation F-250 but the grill is definitively 10th generation Ford (97-03).  Surprisingly, the hard lines of the 95 hood match quite nicely with the more futuristic grill.  Some expanded metal and a square of CDX appear to shore everything up in the "under" the hood.

While advertised as the Zombie edition it is decidedly not the best option for combat against the aforementioned Zombies:

Reason #1) The lack of protective metal and glass will increase the odds of getting splattered in the mouth or eyes which invariably leads to Zombie infection and  ultimately the inability to operate a motor vehicle.

Reason #2) In the event of a Zombie apocalypse the choice of vehicle is limitless because most trucks/cars are abandoned and available for immediate use.  I for one, would choose a Toyota FJ cruiser due to its "horrible driver visibility"...aka Zombie safety and the handy suicides doors which seem like they would be great for picking up your friend in danger without actually stopping.

However, Zombie F-250 is the perfect moniker because this ride is literally "Undead"

"..Ooooh, I got dissed. But it ain't no thing
Runnin' that game with the home made slang
Baby got ished, Bremelo gip.
Keep laughin' at the car and you might get clipped....By a hooptie"....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989

Corvette Summer: Los Anchorage street submission

In 1976 Brock Yates (long time editor of Car and Driver and the type of badass that would make the Dos Equis gentleman a bit envious) drove a brand new Chevrolet Corvette the entirety of the Alcan highway to test its mettle. Thousands of miles later, driving over mud, rocks, and gravel, mostly in 3rd gear, Yates walked away impressed with the true American sports car....true dat.

I cannot in good faith call this beautiful 1977 Chevy Corvette a hooptie, but my first female street submitter in Anchorage was terribly impressed with the luggage rack and I am too!

You better Checker self, fo' you wreck....

In a sleepy town that elected a cat as the mayor (the honorable Stubbs), one wouldn't be too surprised to see such a rarity as a 1969 Checker Aerobus 8-door station wagon.  This street submission from Talkeetna is the first commercially operated (or at least formally) hooptie to make the cut. The tinted windows are brought to you by Glad and the side mirrors look like they are ganked from a 83' Dodge Ram.

"Cops say the car smokes, but I won't listen
It's a six-nine deuce, so the hell with emissions..."  Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989, My Hooptie

Port of Potty...literally

 This 1995 Ford Ranger bombing through Kodiak "Y" was putting the Portable in Port-o-Potty.
I busted a U-turn and followed this vehicle a way but never got a great picture.  Yes, it is a port-o-john and yes, it is on its side. I was hoping for some biffy juice leaving a blue waterfall on the tailgate but life is never that perfect!  I called off pursuit when the the Ranger went through the stoplight and made the probable crystal clear...final destination:  Bells Flats or Bust!

ain't really fazed, 'cause I pop much game
Rolled up tough, 'cause I got much fame
"How ya doin' baby, my name is Mixalot"
"Mixalot got a Benz boy, quit smokin' that rock"....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989 My Hooptie

Crown Vic (she gotta pack much back)

This street submission from Sitka,a 1991 Ford LTD Crown Victoria looks like its trunk hauled more than luggage. The beauty of this full size sedan was not lost on the 90s era Irish mob in Boston for obvious reasons...trunk capacity.  Its locking mechanism simply didn't cut the mustard however as evidenced by this ride, and in the end, irony prevailed, and its only popular use was as a cop cruiser. 

Even legions of duct tape eventually fail and you gotta tie her down with some rope.

"...Four door nightmare, trunks locks' stuck,  
Big dice on the mirror, grill like a truck

Lifters tickin', accelerator's stickin'
Somethin' on my left front wheel keeps clickin'....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989, My Hooptie

Honda "Leaf"

 The Autumnal equinox is upon us and coming this fall to a theater near you...the Honda "Leaf"...not to be confused with the Nissan electric car.  The owner brazenly encrusted this 1994 Honda Civic with an artistry consisting of nothing but a two rattle cans and remnants of her lawn cleanup...instantly "falling" into the category of hooptie....Sitka style, hippy with a pop appeal.   Enjoy...Sir Mix-a-Lot would be disgusted.

Pulsar of the Planet...Enviro-Friendly

This street submission from Sitka displays some ingenuity and functionality.
A 1988 Nissan Pulsar NX with a bike rack????

It appears you slide your 2-wheeled ride into the wooden slot, lasso it up to the roof (notice the permanent tie downs up on top), tighten her down and you can be on your way. Now this is Sitka, where there is only 14 miles of road, so you could bike almost anywhere faster than the time it takes to set up this Rube Goldberg....but I do understand you don't always want to don the Grundens to bike a 1/2 mile.

"Runnin' outta gas, stuck in traffic
Far left lane, throwin' up much static
Input, output, carbeurator fulla soot
"Whatcha want me to do Mix?"
Push freak, push"....My Hooptie, Sir-Mix-a-Lot 1989.

Editors note: This car was being manufactured the year that Mix wrote this song!

Tailgatin' Spawl-Mart style

This 1996 Toyota Tacoma with some "merely cosmetic blemishes" was spotted in Kodiak Walmart parking lot. What appeared to be a trick louvered rear window was actually duct tape.  If there is one parking lot in K-town with a potential for tailgating its probably this one. Perhaps if I showed up to Black Friday or even "Brown Saturday" on time I could do a little tailgating....why not.

1st Disclaimer:  I would under no circumstances unleash this strap and drop the tailgate on this 4x4 rice burner because one would most certainly observe Shia LaBeouf and this badboy would perform a "one-way transformation" a la Megatron at the end of every Transformers movie.

2nd Disclaimer: If in fact unleashing the tailgate improved chances of Megan Fox's arrival, then disregard 1st Disclaimer.

"Rollin' in Tacoma, I could get burned
(Sound of automatic gunfire) Betta make a u-turn
Spotted this freak with immense posterior
Tryin' to roll smooth through the Hilltop area.."    Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989 My Hooptie

Pop top Ploder Revisited

The 1999 chop top 'Ploder has emerged more powerful than I can possibly imagine!  At first I thought it was random and now i realize the paint job is quite purposeful.

Behold the power of the force...and 1999 Ford X-wing fighter.I would like to say its not painted like an X-wing, but i cannot say that. It even has battle damage!

-"Hit mickey-d's, Maharaji starts to bug

He ate a quarter-pounder, threw the pickles on my rug"-  Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989, My Hooptie

73 Beamer 2002

Back in 1973 if you wanted the best sports sedan your money could buy you got a BMW...maybe not this exact one, but you got a beamer.   As their advertisements said, "Do you need only transportation? Then BMW is not for you."

This straight up hooptie is looking good and charging strong on the mean streets of Kodiak. AKA Ambercrombie parking lot!   Sunroof:  functional, speedometer-in-kilometer, quarterpanel ziptied, clowns optional.

Runnin', movin' tabs expired
Girlies tryin' to dis 'n say my car looks tired-Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989

Red Bull Ride

This street submission that was "wired" from Sand Point has got me amped!  The hooptie itself is actually quite rare:  1997 Suzuki X-90.   They were made from 1995 to 1997 to replace the Samurai....well they sucked!  Jeremy Clarkson of "Top Gear" said the X-90 was the  "worst car ever"!  Very few were sold in the US and then Red Bull got a hold of some and went ape shit crazy on a making them a driving billboard......

How in the world this automobile made it to Sand Point is probably stranger than fiction.  One could only posit that somebody who skippered a fishing tender headed from Seattle to Sand Point lost a bet (or won a bet)....and there she be, on one of the most remote islands in the world.

I do not know why the rearview mirrors are jacked up so high...perhaps it was to see the giant can sitting on the rear deck! In addition it does not appear that the chrome rims have held up to the maritime climate of the Shumagin Islands. But thats OK, She might have lost her wings but she got JC riding middle seat and Aloha lei on the grill....

"Who's car is it? Posse won't say
We all play it off when you look our way..."  Sir Mix-A-Lot, My Hooptie 1989

Chain, Chain, Chain...

1993 Ford Ranger XL 4x4:   while its hooptieness is questionable, the chain bumper looks to be a labor of love. Also observed in Sitka where bumpers rustin off are a daily occurrence.

The chain itself is of the type used to raft timber in the logging industry, lending  instant street credibility.Not only welded to the mighty Ranger frame, each link also so as to avoid the dreaded droop prevalent in the "Made in China" chain auto bumpers.

"..Bumper shook loose, chrome keeps scrapin'
Mis-matched tires, and my white walls flakin'.."  Sir Mix-a-Lot, My Hooptie, 1989.

Hooptie or Not

This 1979 Chevrolet El Camino  is encrusted with moss....but not a hooptie, just a Sitka lawn ornament.

This jacked Elky is a hooptie due to its apparent drivability and...its a jacked Elky!



"..Hit my brakes, out slid skittles
Tinted back window with a bubble in the middle.."  Sir Mix-a-Lot, My Hooptie, 1989.

Buick Beast: Naknek street submission

This hooptie spotted in Naknek a few days ago is truly going total beast mode!

The 1974 Buick Century Luxus Wagon has a luggage rack on the roof and luggage rack on the front rack. The subtle, yet stunning, corks forming the teeth of the beast is the kind customization that make Xzibit think your ride had already been pimped...and it has. They didn't come stock with much of a hood ornament...oila!

While I don't know whats under the hood now,  the 350 was standard (no cat either) so it should have a little muscle to blur those blue racing stripes (not stock) and the faux wood grain (stock) below the rubstrip.

Owner, i tip my fedora in your general direction.

"Hooptie bouncin', runnin' on leaded
This is what I sport when you call me big-headed.."  My Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989

1979 Toyota 4-wheel drive: street submission retro

My buddy id'd this hooptie at Java Flats last year. I seriously doubt she is still rolling axles on the rock, but boy if this truck could talk! Dollars to donuts it's up on blocks in someones yard per article 13.2 of the Bells Flats homeowners association covenants.

The purse line and Grundens appear to be serving a structural purpose on the wheel well or frame...as does the dirty tighty whiteys protruding below the "Freedom isn't Free" panel sticker.  One question a casual observer would have is how does one fill up the gas tank?  Where the gas cap should be (forward of the right fender) is a lot of nothing.  Somewhere, there is 10' foot Zodiak missing a cruise tank and hose. The seatbelt hanging out the door is a very nice touch.  The kicker:  A wicked kayak rack!

"...Six-nine Buick, deuce keeps rollin'
One hubcap 'cause three got stolen..."  My Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989

Pop top 'Ploder

I'm thrilled to begin this blog with a gem.  This appears to be a 1999 Ford Explorer...Convertible of course. I know this is not a 2000 or 2001 Exploder because it has Michelin tires and not the exploding Firestone rubber on the business end...which is ironic considering the status of its roof.

The idea for something like this would have been conceived drunk at a party, and normally would have died on the vine when the party ended and soberness occurred.  But here we are, and i love it.  Little bit ragged on the sawzallin' but he (and I'm guessing its a guy) artistically distracted the eye away from that with a nice bit of white "flames" on the panels.

Now I'm guessing this ain't no daily driver.  First of all, the owner apparently has a good job (parked in employee parking at local lumber store)...and he BACKED IN to the spot showing some automotive respect.  Enjoy the sun and this ride, when the Kodiak weather gods come back from their sabbatical, it'll be back to rain.



"My hooptie rollin', tailpipe draggin'
Heat don't work an' my girl keeps naggin'....."  Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989