XLT.....RIP?

This street submission screams Monty Python Holy Grail? ....."Not dead yet"

Coming from a former owner of 3 different ford rangers, I can sympathize with the owner of this 1989 Ford Ranger XLT.   Mine of course would never have gotten close to still being "street legal" after 25 years of dipping the rear end into the harbor to launch my 15' Boston Whaler.

Apart from the obvious (its about rust in half), i'm curious as to what is so damn important under the canopy of this one that he maticulously covered it with vulcanized rubber and bootlegged 2 fathoms of halibut longline to lash down. Nor do I know why foam is spontaneously generating between the cab and the bed and the door.  What I do know is that the front end is surprisingly better off than the rear end and if this was my daily driver, I would keep the hubs locked so i could just jam it in 4x4 when the inevitable creak, crunch, and metal rip of "final separation" occurs....then i can just keep on driving with a slightly better view of the sky.    This Ford is "living" proof of the inaccuracy of the acronym FORD...Found on Road Dead.

"Sputter, sputter rollin' over gutters

Cars dip low with hard core brothers.."--Sir Mix-A-Lot 1989

Firebird in the hole

Like the mythical bird-beast with the same name that rises, cyclically, from dregs of it's predecessor this 1980 Pontiac Firebird Formula has risen again...this time "jacked"!

I was floored as i made my way through Jackson trailer park to see this megalithic ride appear from the fog. I woke up at night, sweating, worried about the poor resolution of this picture only to make my way back to the scene of the crime (kodiak hoopties cardinal sin) to find it gone.  I will be searching for this ride on the K-cruise and also in my dreams.  In the meantime let us dissect this one...

In 1979 the infamous "blackout" tail lights were introduced and only the firebird Formula and Trans-am had em.  By 1982 the new breed of Pontiac Firebird  was released which we all remember fondly as the Hoff's ride in Knight Rider.....KITT...and a futuristic light year different from the muscle cars of yore.  The bad thing about Firebirds by 1980 was that the emission standards all but got rid of the Pontiac muscles big blocks like the 400 and 455.   But 1980 had some uniqueness when Pontiac unleashed the only turbocharged V8 (301) in the world at the time....however Flinstonian the technology, it is what it was.

A lot of folks called Firebird headlights "batmobile" style and this paint job seems to conjure up a little bit of caped crusader with a dash or the dark knight. I'm not sure this would be able to squeeze into the bat cave crevasse.

 Its rollin on 33's and looking like it could take the 1984 Broncos in the mudboggin' race at the fairgrounds on a warm August night!  The rear end is actually custom cool.  The dual exhaust redirected up is decidedly not Firebirdish, as is the frame, step sides, and luggage rubs on the trunk.  Its not 100% stock but it is 100% wicked.



 "Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes..."-Sir Mix-A-Lot 1989

November Rain

Yes, I did it. I am playing off of the G-n-R's monster ballad from 1992.  Since the Ford Zombie undead, our sleepy little town has been fairly absent of sweet rides.

But when it rains it pours, and..."...its hard to hold a candle in these cold November rains..."
Or in our case NoVANber  because two beautiful vans have rained down on the Hooptie. Now I'm not talking about the creepy white vans that transport pervs and boiler techs in this town..(Note: if you search "van candy" in urban dictionary the definition is: "The most delicious candy. It comes from a white van and it makes you sleepy")

Lo and behold seen at the Y in Kodiak, I'm talking about Vans with style and while this 1967 Dodge Sportsman A108 (108 inch wheelbase) needed a little bit of help matriculating it clearly was/and is a beauty.  I can only hope that a television repairman with an ultimate set of tools at home will fix it up right (yes a Fast Times at Ridgemont High reference). Whats great about this van is the visibility in and out....no room for creepers with no privacy. There was no mystery to this machine. There are no less than fourteen windows on this Van. To replace all of them today would cost more than the van was new in 1967...and then adjust for inflation.

To "top" it off. This 1971 Volkswagen (Type 2) Kombi "pop top" was parked at Safeway right at dusk creating a great ambience to snap a quick pic.  I came to Alaska in a similar era Volkswagen pop top in 1974 so it strikes a chord.  It appears to be in fairly decent shape. I really can't make fun of this Vdub, I've driven transporters and rabbits quite certainly into the ground so a 70s VW looking clean is a feat in this state.

"Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes"... Sir Mix-a-Lot ,  My Hooptie, 1989

Street submission: Zombie F-250 "the Undead"

Just in time for Halloween, this 1995 Ford F-250 "Zombie" Edition is the ultimate antithesis of the "Eddie Bauer" Edition....and no the F-250 never existed as an Eddie Bauer edition (only the F-150). It has however been the King Ranch, Platinum, Outlaw, Amarillo, Cabela's, and Harley Davidson....none of which compare to the raw form of truck, untainted by such creature comforts as windows, doors, roofs, and a rear view mirror. Advantages: no deicing necessary on those chilly mornings; strap on some Scott ski goggles and mash the pedal.

The bench seat, steering wheel, shifter (no knob) and hood all appear 9th generation F-250 but the grill is definitively 10th generation Ford (97-03).  Surprisingly, the hard lines of the 95 hood match quite nicely with the more futuristic grill.  Some expanded metal and a square of CDX appear to shore everything up in the "under" the hood.

While advertised as the Zombie edition it is decidedly not the best option for combat against the aforementioned Zombies:

Reason #1) The lack of protective metal and glass will increase the odds of getting splattered in the mouth or eyes which invariably leads to Zombie infection and  ultimately the inability to operate a motor vehicle.

Reason #2) In the event of a Zombie apocalypse the choice of vehicle is limitless because most trucks/cars are abandoned and available for immediate use.  I for one, would choose a Toyota FJ cruiser due to its "horrible driver visibility"...aka Zombie safety and the handy suicides doors which seem like they would be great for picking up your friend in danger without actually stopping.

However, Zombie F-250 is the perfect moniker because this ride is literally "Undead"

"..Ooooh, I got dissed. But it ain't no thing
Runnin' that game with the home made slang
Baby got ished, Bremelo gip.
Keep laughin' at the car and you might get clipped....By a hooptie"....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989

Corvette Summer: Los Anchorage street submission

In 1976 Brock Yates (long time editor of Car and Driver and the type of badass that would make the Dos Equis gentleman a bit envious) drove a brand new Chevrolet Corvette the entirety of the Alcan highway to test its mettle. Thousands of miles later, driving over mud, rocks, and gravel, mostly in 3rd gear, Yates walked away impressed with the true American sports car....true dat.

I cannot in good faith call this beautiful 1977 Chevy Corvette a hooptie, but my first female street submitter in Anchorage was terribly impressed with the luggage rack and I am too!

You better Checker self, fo' you wreck....

In a sleepy town that elected a cat as the mayor (the honorable Stubbs), one wouldn't be too surprised to see such a rarity as a 1969 Checker Aerobus 8-door station wagon.  This street submission from Talkeetna is the first commercially operated (or at least formally) hooptie to make the cut. The tinted windows are brought to you by Glad and the side mirrors look like they are ganked from a 83' Dodge Ram.

"Cops say the car smokes, but I won't listen
It's a six-nine deuce, so the hell with emissions..."  Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989, My Hooptie

Port of Potty...literally

 This 1995 Ford Ranger bombing through Kodiak "Y" was putting the Portable in Port-o-Potty.
I busted a U-turn and followed this vehicle a way but never got a great picture.  Yes, it is a port-o-john and yes, it is on its side. I was hoping for some biffy juice leaving a blue waterfall on the tailgate but life is never that perfect!  I called off pursuit when the the Ranger went through the stoplight and made the probable crystal clear...final destination:  Bells Flats or Bust!

ain't really fazed, 'cause I pop much game
Rolled up tough, 'cause I got much fame
"How ya doin' baby, my name is Mixalot"
"Mixalot got a Benz boy, quit smokin' that rock"....Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989 My Hooptie