Jeepers Creepers!

This 1944 Dodge WC54, a 3/4 ton military ambulance looks ready to receive the wounded in Skagway
Alaska. It appears to have the original paint job...whats left of it.  One modification is that it has the Braden MU-2 winch installed up front....this was never stock on the WC54 Ambulance but one could use the mods from other WC series trucks to do the job. This is the oldest hooptie to date and out of respect for a belated Veterans Day I will refrain from making light of this classic war time automobile.
There is really nothing funny.....its just cool! 


 

Ford Country

Nestled snugly in between a pair of City and Borough of Sitka Ford Rangers, this 1969 Ford Country Sedan has little in common with it's automobile neighbors except both hailing from the Motor City...kind of those, 5th generation Rangers were built in the St. Paul Minnesota.

The duct tape work on the right tail light looks like a mentally challenged cartoonish version of the left tail light.  In a reverse game of "HORSE", it appears only the "O" is left in "FORD" on the magic tailgate.  Almost signifying it has but one letter left....  And yes I did say magic tailgate.  Fords tailgate in 1969 opened both down and sideways...not sure how it was accomplished but i'm sure it clunky and brute force.  I am wondering one thing....what "dyed for you"?  The bumper sticker censorship is a bummer.

I'm not a fan of censorship, especially blanket censorship, but in this case the blanket keeps the rain out.

 In the days before SUVs and third row seating, this beast could seat 9 people (more if you count the lap babies) and pushed them around with a 429...yah thats right a 7.0 liter V8.  The grill on this auto is actually very beautiful...or it was until an impressive spider-web matrix of modern era zip ties from Costco...theres just something simple  about bailing wire in comparison.  Its clear we are regressing as a culture.

"I pot-hole crusher, red light rusher
Musher of a brother 'cause I'm plowin' over suckers...In a hooptie"   My Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot 1989

Cap City Exhaust

That this 2006 Ford F350 dually Lariat is a Super Duty is obvious. As I rolled out of Juneau Airport, I literally [sic] shit my pants.  I'm fully in favor of this wicked mod...but...it kind of made a beautiful truck looks small...oh well.  Still cool.  They are so  big they vibrate at highway speed!

"Brother start lettin' off, kickin' that racket
Thinkin' I'm a rock star, slingin' them packets
I ain't wit' dat, so I smooth eject
Hit I-5 with the dope cassette"...my Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot, 1989.

Southwind Inversion

Luke 12:55 - And when ye see the south wind blow, ye say, There will be heat; and it cometh to pass......Well boys, this Southwind be blowin' but there aint going to be no heat, and despite the 440 it aint going to pass you either!

 At first glance, this street submission Frankenhooptie from Sand Point looks to be the product of a freeway pileup.  Closer inspection reveals a finely melded combination of a 1969 Dodge D-300 and a 1974 Fleetwood Southwind (Dodge). The kicker is that the "cab" is actually the front of Fleetwood Southwind FLIPPED the hell over. Only in Sand Point could you get away with such blatant disregard for standard motor vehicle safety  Yet, the functionality of this hooptie is not really arguable.

The white bucket, as any fisherman knows, is the trash can.  The blue bucket is of course the drivers seat.  Passengers, tools, or passengers that are tools can sit on the starboard shelf.  Like for instance the rivet gun that did the aviation-like riveting of the cab to the dash.  Vintage conventional meets unorthodox modern. Its a match made in heaven and is, to date, the most spectacular hooptie recognized. Likely spawned on mushroom enhanced trip to the dump. Sand Point is a mere purgatory to the one-way trip that is the Sand Point dump.  But this Fleetwood Southwind came back, hacked, ripped, sawzalled, flipped, and recycled haute couture using a rivet gun instead of sewing machine.

"Cop took my wallet, looked at my license
His partner said "Damn, they all look like Tyson"
Yes, I'm legit, so they gotta let me go
This bucket ain't rollin' in snow.."  1989, My Hooptie, Sir Mix-a-Lot

Liner Notes....more Sitka slings

This 1987 Ford F250 is knot simplicity nor handsome but its functional. If you don't know a knot, tie a lot.

Red 1989 Dodge Dakota. The symmetry is nice but would have been enhanced with similar sized line.  Bungee up front doing light duty. Not to be hatin' but ur tabs are expired.

This 1992 Chevy C/K has a bumper that is literally evaporating just like the coffee in this chaps untippable boat mug.  Also, seems to be partially handicapped?

A 1990 Toyota 4x4.  I like this mad max look with a scrape, dent, A missing "T", a hanging license plate, cracked grill, and a skull and crossbones sticker is the topper!

1993 Chevy Cavalier.  Also a "rode" warrior look.  As in rode hard and put away wet.
This lashing gives the impression of such tightness it compresses the bumper.

Good Shit Vol 1

In 1988, I turned 16 years old and despite stalling my 1981 Malibu 3 times during my parallel parking portion of my drivers test (its was an automatic so go figure), the DMV gave me my drivers license.
Crusing around, i realized quickly who wants to jam to "b" sides when one could create nothing but "a" sides?  You know, more "Panama" and less "drop dead legs".  So I made a compilation of good stuff and called it "Good Shit volume 1"  in tape cassette.

 This is a hooptie version of Ford Good shit....

This 1998 Ford Explorer at Safeway in Kodiak has been retrofitted with a handy mod to take care of the door latch flaw common on most explorers.  For $5.78 and some labor, problem solved with this bitchin' window bolt from True Value. I would have loved to see the owner use this latch?  Do they use the other door and keep it closed?, do they roll the window down and latch it up....so many questions??? 

This 1995 Ford F150 in Sitka seems normal enough but my mind just keeps flashing the vision of some dude in a wheel chair sidled up next to his grill with a zip tie and some parachute cord in his lap fixing his plate.  Empowering?  Yes!    Physical disability? Yes!   Mental disability?  heck no!...thats field expediency at its best.

This 1996 Ford Explorer Sport is rusty...no doubt.  I've seen ratchet straps in Kodiak hold up many things on old vehicles but I have not seen this.  You see Sitka rust makes Kodiak rust look like winter in Arizona.  The spare tire containment has rusted to the point that it resembles something from 1943.  In all honesty, this method of spare deployment is probably 10x faster than the standard not-rusted-to-shit method.

And of course if you don't have a bumper you put your license on with, you guessed it, Duct Tape!

XLT.....RIP?

This street submission screams Monty Python Holy Grail? ....."Not dead yet"

Coming from a former owner of 3 different ford rangers, I can sympathize with the owner of this 1989 Ford Ranger XLT.   Mine of course would never have gotten close to still being "street legal" after 25 years of dipping the rear end into the harbor to launch my 15' Boston Whaler.

Apart from the obvious (its about rust in half), i'm curious as to what is so damn important under the canopy of this one that he maticulously covered it with vulcanized rubber and bootlegged 2 fathoms of halibut longline to lash down. Nor do I know why foam is spontaneously generating between the cab and the bed and the door.  What I do know is that the front end is surprisingly better off than the rear end and if this was my daily driver, I would keep the hubs locked so i could just jam it in 4x4 when the inevitable creak, crunch, and metal rip of "final separation" occurs....then i can just keep on driving with a slightly better view of the sky.    This Ford is "living" proof of the inaccuracy of the acronym FORD...Found on Road Dead.

"Sputter, sputter rollin' over gutters

Cars dip low with hard core brothers.."--Sir Mix-A-Lot 1989

Firebird in the hole

Like the mythical bird-beast with the same name that rises, cyclically, from dregs of it's predecessor this 1980 Pontiac Firebird Formula has risen again...this time "jacked"!

I was floored as i made my way through Jackson trailer park to see this megalithic ride appear from the fog. I woke up at night, sweating, worried about the poor resolution of this picture only to make my way back to the scene of the crime (kodiak hoopties cardinal sin) to find it gone.  I will be searching for this ride on the K-cruise and also in my dreams.  In the meantime let us dissect this one...

In 1979 the infamous "blackout" tail lights were introduced and only the firebird Formula and Trans-am had em.  By 1982 the new breed of Pontiac Firebird  was released which we all remember fondly as the Hoff's ride in Knight Rider.....KITT...and a futuristic light year different from the muscle cars of yore.  The bad thing about Firebirds by 1980 was that the emission standards all but got rid of the Pontiac muscles big blocks like the 400 and 455.   But 1980 had some uniqueness when Pontiac unleashed the only turbocharged V8 (301) in the world at the time....however Flinstonian the technology, it is what it was.

A lot of folks called Firebird headlights "batmobile" style and this paint job seems to conjure up a little bit of caped crusader with a dash or the dark knight. I'm not sure this would be able to squeeze into the bat cave crevasse.

 Its rollin on 33's and looking like it could take the 1984 Broncos in the mudboggin' race at the fairgrounds on a warm August night!  The rear end is actually custom cool.  The dual exhaust redirected up is decidedly not Firebirdish, as is the frame, step sides, and luggage rubs on the trunk.  Its not 100% stock but it is 100% wicked.



 "Made a left turn as I watched in fright
My ex-girlfriend shot out my headlight
She was standin', in the road, so I smashed her toes
Mashed my pedal, boom, down she goes..."-Sir Mix-A-Lot 1989